Gay Elephants

… Not literally. This isn’t a tale similar to Roy and Silo, two homosexual penguins in Manhattan’s Central Park Zoo. Instead, it’s always nice to confront the elephant in the room before engaging in deeper discussion. There is a lot of debate over whether or not gays and lesbians can commit to lasting marriages. More troubling still is the debate over whether or not gays and lesbians can provide stable, supportive environments for raising children. Compound that problem with the belief that gays are actively recruiting leaves a very large, very ugly elephant in the room.

While science seems divided on whether or not there is one single “gay gene,” an impartial team (that is to say, one not funded/sponsored by family or homosexual advocacy groups) at the University of Illinois has concluded the interactions of multiple non-sex genes help determine sexual orientation. This, despite knowledge that over 1,500 different animal species have been observed engaging in homosexual activity, begs a serious question: Do gays love differently than their heterosexual counterparts?

Roy and Silo aren’t alone. In addition to humans, scientists and animal behaviorists believe 150-250 different species of animal are capable of forming socially monogamous unions for life. And since- I’m speculating- a number of those species show up on the list of 1,500 animals capable of homosexuality, is a monogamous relationship between two female swans really any different than a human relationship between a man and a woman?

Since some Christian groups subscribe to the belief that homosexuality is a choice, they believe being gay can be cured, that underneath every “gay” individual is a pained straight soul yearning for freedom. So by the transitive property, these people must feel that everything they are capable of, so are gays and lesbians. Because, after all, the only thing that makes them different is a little choice. It’s only logical then to assume that if heterosexuals can form monogamous unions that last until death, so can gays and lesbians.

As a pure side-note to heterosexual readers: Do you remember consciously choosing to be straight? Every time I ask a friend this question, they balk, and immediately say “no.” So why is it all right to assume homosexuality is a conspiracy of people choosing to buck the “traditional” marriage.

As another side-note: The “traditional” marriage is a modern construct. Some Mormon sects still practice polygamy. King Solomon had 700 wives. I’m not good with numbers, but isn’t that 699 more than the “traditional” marriage between 1 man and 1 woman Christians hold in such high esteem? Two loving gay men are somehow more dangerous than polygamy… which Christianity is full of?

From a purely social perspective, the argument that “it’s not natural for two men to love each other” is put to bed- no pun intended- by science. The unusually high concentration of nerve endings in the anus would lead some religious thinkers to speculate their placement is part of a larger design, a plan from an all-knowing higher power, if you will.

So now that it’s evident that homosexuality is seemingly natural and all around us, the last step in taking away the elephant’s tusks is to address the question: Do gays love any differently? Well the obvious answer is normally the right answer: No. Researchers John Gottman (the University of Washington) and Robert Levenson (the University of California-Berkley) have studied 40 heterosexual and 40 homosexual couples and concluded that, as a generalization, gay and lesbian couples “operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships.”

The only marked differences in the study report that gays and lesbians are less burdened to solve conflicts, and thus, are more prone to walking away from the relationship. With no messy divorce proceeding to go through, there’s no incentive to remain; so that much seems obvious. On the flipside however, Gottman concluded that when gays and lesbians do resolve conflicts in relationships, we do it with more humor and upbeat attitudes than our straight counterparts.

If homosexuality occurs in the animal kingdom and research supports the theory that homosexuality is at least partially controlled by genetic interactions, if gays and lesbians are truly capable of monogamy like their straight counterparts: Why is gay marriage still illegal?

Based on the most recent information available, 45 states allow some form of homosexual adoption. That’s 7 more states than necessary to pass/modify an amendment to the United States Constitution. On some level, that inspires great confidence that gays and lesbians can raise children.

“Children need a man and a woman to give them gender roles!” Really? Gender roles? The ones that say women should stay pregnant and tend to the chores while the husband works eight hours and wears suits? Aren’t we a little too progressive for such stereotypes? Family advocacy groups worry that homosexual parents will raise homosexual children; honestly, if they feel it is a choice, I don’t know why they’re worried in the first place, wouldn’t they just choose to be straight to spite their gay parents? Well, I can say from experience a heterosexual couple didn’t raise a heterosexual son in me. My parents aren’t the only ones breaking the mold, there are a lot of gay people out there… Some of them want to be parents.

When reading the conclusions of multiple studies it becomes evident that children raised by gays and lesbian couples will fall within “cultural norms” when forming social and sexual identities. If gay parenting is a recruiting technique, groups who see the bogeyman in it have to explain how homosexuality existed before gay adoptions.

Gays and lesbians don’t seem to have too many problems in forming lifelong partnerships; heck, if the animals can do it, certainly homosexuals can. We don’t seem to have too many problems adopting and raising “normal” children. And we’re better at conflict resolution when we want to be. Gosh, maybe the elephant in the room isn’t so ugly after all. Reality is often much better than fear.


Be good,

Will